what the fuck. one tub of this, one goddamn egg of this lip balm is $4.79. thats like $5. i never bought any because i was like, fuck thats expensive. but one day i was out shopping and i wanted to know what all the hype was about so i bought one of the goddamn summer passion berry whatever the fuck its called. just to try it. pretty innocent, right? yeah. so i try it out. this shit makes my lips smooth. like mega smooth. like super mega ultra smooth. ive got 8 things of lip balm in my purse already. stuff that i like. but as soon as i try out eos lip balm its as if they dont even exist. like what the fuck is blistex? never heard of it. lip smackers who? so im like in love with this eos lip balm. im ready to put a ring on it. this shit makes my lips so soft. im like, begging for people to kiss me so they can feel how soft my lips are. and the FLAVOR. this isnt just some regular old scented-but-not-flavored bullshit lip balm that you get at the dollar store. this is like, candy that you put on your lips that makes them mega smooth. this shit tasted so nice that i made my friend kiss me just so they could taste it. its that good. so i go to the store again, yknow, cause i work there, so i have to, and i go to the cash, get all set up, ready to have a good day, sell some shit, make some money, and what the fuck do i see staring back at me? goddamn blueberry acai eos lip balm. and everyone knows im always a slut for blueberries. so im like, well fuck me sideways. thats just glorious. made just for me. so i get some on my break and crack it open immediately. i rub this shit on and it feels like im gliding a fairy tale across my lips. im talking this shit is so sweet that i dont want to use it because i feel like im not worthy. and its just as smoothing and softening and lovely as the first. like, i thought it couldnt get better after the first one. i was skeptical about the blueberry acai because i couldnt believe that it was possible that it could ever get any better. like, the first one was absolutely delicious and my lips had never felt more heavenly. but this goddamn blue version was a GODSEND. like my kids are gonna have glorious soft blueberry flavored lips. my GRANDKIDS are gonna have a slight blueberry flavor on their lips, and they will never be chapped. ever. basically ive never loved anyone nearly as much as i love this stuff. my coworker asked why there were hearts floating around my head like in the cartoons. by this point im pretty sure ive found my soulmate. so i take my eos lip balm home with me and i sleep with it because i love it so much. i wake up the next day and go to work early so i can look around and see if i can find any more beautiful little egg shaped treasures. and you wont believe the shit i saw. theyve got sweet mint. theyve got melon. theyve got coconut. theyve got strawberry. theyve got an entire wall of different flavors of this lip balm and im pretty sure ive stepped into heaven. anyways ive now spent about $60 on eos lip balms and i have no regrets at all
…and you drink a little too much and try a little too hard. And you go home to a cold bed and think, ‘That was fine’. And your life is a long line of fine.
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